we celebrated two years married last week (kind of…because our backyard wedding wasn’t exactly our legally official wedding because of conservative judges and delayed court dates and not-quite-yet-final divorces), and i can’t believe there’s not a word in all of the english language for that feeling that something happened yesterday but also forever ago. maybe that’s why people write – because the available language fails us so often so we try to string together the words we do have to help make sense of the feelings that they can’t adequately describe. but that’s not really what this is about…another day maybe.
today i just find myself feeling so incredibly grateful for the last two years. for waking up every morning with someone who sees me and knows me and chooses to love me even so. for going to bed each night feeling safe and warm and held.
there were a lot of scary things that we dealt with two years ago, and so we wrote as a way of letting other people know that they weren’t alone and also as a way of feeling less isolated and scared…because when you put a piece of your story out there and even one person says, “me too,” or “i’m sorry” it feels like hope and grace and love embodied.
as time marched on (and therapy sessions passed), all the scary worked itself out and we settled in, found our people, and moved out of survival mode and back to actually experiencing life and creating space for hopes and fears, dreams and goals.
and now, here we are. two years down, forever to go. i wouldn’t want to chase these dreams with anybody else, and that backyard wedding will forever be my favorite day.
(if you missed it, you can watch it here.)